


Hands Of Gold

by ginger_green



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blow Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, M/M, Porn with a very long premise, Romance, Slow Build, Teaching, bits of drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-31 02:41:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12122766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_green/pseuds/ginger_green
Summary: "Teach me how to rob people's pockets, Levi..." Erwin's voice turned into a soft murmur, giving Levi an unintentional shiver. "I will reward you... if you want to be rewarded, of course."His words tasted sweet like hazelnut caramel. The deadpan serious expression on his face seemed so out of place it was even funny. Levi smiled.





	1. just like this

It sure has not been a while since Levi was last summoned into the Commander's cabinet.

He was, in fact, a common guest in this spacious, brightly illuminated room which had much less furniture than one could expect from such an important place. First of all - because he was a professional, highly qualified trouble maker, and second - because, for some reason, Erwin grew interested in his company.

Only a year had passed since Levi has joined the Survey Corps. In the first month, Erwin had only talked to him twice. One time - when they just arrived, the next day after _that one_. He asked if Levi needed anything. Told him to come and talk whenever he feels like doing so. Another - when a group of cadets got drunk and accidentally set one of the Corps' buildings on fire (Levi still counted that time as a decent conversation, even though Erwin was half-naked, his hair was smoking lightly, and his only question was 'Are you hurt?'). But since Erwin has become a Commander and expropriated this old cabinet from the reckless ownership of Keith Shadis, their meetings came to be more frequent. Levi would walk upstairs quietly, approach the room with muscles tense and firm, like a cautious animal does when it meets a human for the first time. And, as an animal, did he wait for something to go wrong, each and every time. Waited for this beautiful, neat human to take actions. To implement the threat. _Come on you fucker, play no games, do it, faster_. But it never happened, even if the causation of them seeing each other was Levi's professional insolence. Instead, the meetings have grown longer, the talking became more eloquent. Erwin would show Levi maps, and reports, and other documents which contained masses of outdated terminology so Levi could not always tell right away what the context was. Nevertheless, he was listened to. His questions were answered. Erwin even laughed to his joke once. Warm, raucous chuckle. After leaving, Levi would sometimes notice the scent of fresh parchment and ink clinging to his fingers.

One day, he caught himself on a different kind of waiting. Waiting for Erwin to summon him upstairs, waiting to walk along the thick stone walls and sealed doors to that one room in which he was welcome. Waiting to hear, to be heard. He felt cosy there, like a cat does when it finds a place where the sunlight is heating the ground up just to the right degree.

His human could have him arrested and killed so many times, yet he was alive. For the first time, he felt valued.

The door swung to his light touch. It was opened.

"Aft'noon, C'mmander. Wished to see me?" was the first thing he asked after entering the room, his tone only half of a smile away from sarcastic. Erwin looked up from his desk. His eyes were the good colour of clean water this afternoon.

"I did, Captain. I really did."

Levi closed the door behind his back and approached to the opposite side of the desk, tingling sensation of engagement enhancing inside of him. He took the chair and put his right leg on the left knee. His dark-grey stare was very still.

"Did I do somethin' again?" he asked.

"I don't know, did you?" Erwin grinned. The air had a tangy flavour of apple cider, and Levi knew it would fizz just a tiny bit on his lips before he opened his mouth.

"Well, I'd like to believe not. So what's the matter then?"

Erwin put the ink feather aside. He placed both elbows on the desk surface, and had his fingers crossed, chin resting upon them.

"I have something to ask you for. A favour, if you like," he said.

"Yeah?.. And what can I so kindly do in your favour, C'mmander?"

"I want you to teach me stealing."

A moment passed in silence. Levi stared at Erwin, trying to figure out if it was some kind of a dumb joke. In his early days here, some of the least bright soldiers would play those on him, out of jealousy, or boredom, or general hatred towards scum like his own kind. "Tell us if rats taste good in the Underground!" they would yell. Levi tried his best not to get into fights, as Commander Smith had said they were no good. After a year, he was prepared for anyone to insult him whenever he passed the soldiers by, close enough to hear what they were muttering. Although, after a year, nobody laughed anymore.

Erwin looked back with the friendliest expression one could ever think of. He was not laughing, either. His eyes were light as the sky, filled with anticipation.

Always like that, he was. Found pleasure in exploring the world. Ever since the two of them met, his favourite words were all requests. "Tell me, teach me. Explain this, show that." And it seemed to be so not only because of his personal interest in Levi's life but more because of the deepest sense of curiosity that he took in yet unfamiliar aspects of human existence, as if he had it as a goal to acquire simply as much knowledge as possible and it didn't even matter what type of skills he would come across. Levi respected that, although it looked more like a weirdness to him. It was understandable last time, when Erwin asked how people store easily abraded goods and food in humid environment like that in the Underground - but why, for example, would the thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps need any knowledge regarding the ways to knit socks? Or to make flutes out of dry tree branches?..

Still, weird or not - who would stop Erwin from giving him an order? It was a Commander's wish. Nothing less. Nothing more.

Nothing more?

"Teach me how to rob people's pockets, Levi..." Erwin's voice turned into a soft murmur, giving Levi an unintentional shiver. "I will reward you... if you want to be rewarded, of course."

His words tasted sweet like hazelnut caramel. The deadpan serious expression on his face seemed so out of place it was even funny. Levi smiled.

"'kay, C'mmander," he responded with a low voice, "I can teach you that. Gonna need some privacy, tho'. Wouldn't make ya more popular, should anyone find out."

Honestly, there was no need in any privacy. They could easily explain themselves in case of someone "finding out". Levi knew that. Erwin knew that, too. But the game has already started. The temptation was too strong.

"Is it going to be fine in my room? It's the next door straight from here. Nobody's going to disturb us, unless I only wish for that."

_You're fast to think, human._

"If ya say so, C'mmander."

Erwin slowly raised from his chair. Levi had to throw the head back in order to keep looking him in the eye. 

"I told you to call me by name long time ago."

As they walked to the door of Erwin's room, Levi wondered why on earth such a simple phrase was so difficult to respond to.

"I like it," he finally said when they stopped.

"What?"

"The C'mmander thing. I like it."

Erwin gave him a warm smile before he opened the door and let the Captain in ahead of himself.

"I wouldn't guess," he murmured in his soft, almost tender manner. "You can call me Commander, then. Do you prefer to use 'sir' as well?"

"Oh back off."

Erwin's bedroom was not like Levi imagined at all. He expected it to be as sheer and tidy as the cabinet was. This room, however, was noticeably smaller, and though it was not dirty - no dust, no cobwebs under the ceiling beams - the scale of established mess in it could easily startle an unprepared witness. Parchment sheets were scattered across the floor, some with unrecognizable scribbles on them, some having drawings done with a coal stick, some clear. The narrow bed was unmade, a single white sheet stuffed carelessly under the wool blanket. A small desk on the opposite side of the room was loaded heavily with books, some of them showing their worn urine-yellow bookmarks at nearly every page. There was a wide dark-blue stain of spilled ink on the desk surface.

"Sorry for this chaos," Erwin said from behind Levi's back. "I try not to let anyone in here, actually. Not that I am extraordinarily embarrassed by this, just, you know, for professional reasons... It must be so unpleasant for you. Let me clean this up just in a minute."

It must have been unpleasant, indeed; but instead Levi felt proud. Erwin tried not to let anyone in here yet he, Levi, has been led inside, blessed by the Commander's own will. Now there was something about Erwin that he knew and others did not.

"Gotta spend a bit more than a minute to clean this, I'd say. Don't bother too much," he replied, though promising himself to sort all of this shit out once everything is over.

Erwin spent a couple more minutes trying his best to cover the bed appropriately, failed, and left it be. He stretched his arms, and his fingers made a silent crackling sound when he fiddled them. He glanced at Levi with a note of interest in his eyes.

"Well?"

"Hold your horses, C'mmander. I ain't lettin' you pickpocket my ass when you can't even imagine how it's done. We're gonna have some theory first."

"Oh, of course! Would we need some paper, then?"

Erwin didn't take a sheet from the floor. Instead, he opened the drawer under the desk and pulled out a fresh one, crisp on the edges, yellowish like underbrewed green tea. He opened an ink jar and prepared to take notes. He looked just like those young students whom Levi has seen on the streets. Good, well-dressed, obedient children with white ribbons in their hair, rushing to schools.

The Captain sat himself on the desk, legs dangling off the edge. He could still hear this easy, unintentional _we_ that they have just exchanged with - _we are going to, we would need._

"...'kay. So, first thing you'd need to know is that there are different kinds of pickpocketing for different aims..."

"Oh, I know! There are those who lurk around the bags left without attention, and those who primarily target crowded spaces so the victim wouldn't feel the--"

"Fuck this lame shit."

"Have you never done this in crowds, though?" Erwin smiled.

"That's different. I used to steal in order to survive. You ain't gonna feed yourself on these skills, so don't play smarty pants. As I told, there are different kinds of pickpocketing. Robbin' someone when they're alone is no easy task, so ya need to prepare for the contact. Know your own ways. And choose the right target. Don't think too much tho', that's not what will save you if they catch your ass."

"But what will save me?"

Levi chuckled.

"Very fast legs."

 

And, just like this, did it all start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why Levi in my version has such a strong southern-like accent but I just really see him speaking like Marty from True Detective.


	2. childhood memories

"No, wait. You ain't doin' it right."

Erwin's fingers retreated from Levi's pocket.

"Damn. Sorry."

"Sorry for what?.." Levi huffed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny bag filled with tinkling bronze coins. "When you're reachin' for small things, ain't no need usin' your whole hand. Easier to catch. Use two or three fingers. Be gentle." He hid the bag back where it belonged. Erwin nodded with a very serious expression on his face.

"Use fingers, be gentle. Get it," he repeated casually. Levi was not sure what was to blame for his cheeks feeling hotter after this phrase. He coughed and gave Erwin a brief look, examining every detail of him and looking for a smile or laughter. Erwin was looking more than a hundred percent professional. _Goddamn human._

"One more time."

Erwin reached his fingers towards Levi's shirt, and this time he managed to sneak into the pocket using only his middle and forefinger. The bag brushed the side of Levi's hip through the fabric before landing into the Commander's hand. Erwin was a good student. Levi could not tell if he was good enough though, as he could never _not_ feel Erwin's fingers so close to his body. Every bit of his attention was brought to them in those moments. He could sense their warmth on his skin, and how they pulled his pocket for just a half of an inch from its original disposition. On the other hand, this way he could always tell if Erwin was touching him. That must have been a good thing - for educational purposes, Levi supposed.

Yes, Erwin was a damn decent student. He was learning fast. After a brief theoretical course, they went on to distraction techniques; for a whole week Levi has been lecturing his Commander on the way thieves covered their hands under coats, and how important it was to keep the target occupied and put up the maximum show in order to succeed; and how, in the Underground, pickpockets would usually gather in a pack and attack one or two victims at the same time. Suffocating with growing crime rates, local police departments - also known as the least sponsored police departments behind the Walls - were never able to even find and punish the criminals, never mind preventing such incidents in the future. Erwin created a separate pile of parchment for his notes; they were full of sketches and odd comments like 'water-hand', 'cut through thin parts!', 'keep talking even with no topic.'

Any time Levi finished the lecture, Erwin would bombard him with tons and tons of questions. Who were most successful thieves? Who were their parents? Were they stealing for themselves or for others, or would they sell the goods after they took them? What happened to those who, despite the policemen's incompetence, would get caught? Were there ever organized investigations? Could there be any reliable statistics on such behalf?

Way too many questions, Levi thought, grunting through his teeth and explaining for the tenth time that no, there was no statistics, those thieves have barely had any parents to begin with, and even if he wanted to explain more the two of them don't have time for that right now, so here, C'mmander, take this razor and try cuttin' right through the bag's strips, both at once, one move, one grip...

Of course, Levi didn't intend to shape a professional pickpocket out of his Commander within a few weeks - such perspective would be merely unrealistic. He only wanted to explain how stealing works. Give this handsome bastard an understanding of what real life tastes like. Nothing more, nothing less. Erwin turned out to be really good with razors, for some reason. This part was the easiest one.

And then - then there was _this._

"I wanna quickly show you a little somethin'. Those tricks could get in handy for a pretty asshole like you."

"And what are they?"

"Seduction."

It was impossible to tell by Erwin's expression if he was amused, interested, or astounded. Maybe he was all three together. Or maybe Levi just was not experienced enough to see the difference.

"It's the real thing, actually, for aces. No worries, C'mmander, no need to sacrifice your innocence here," he laughed, "but ya gotta be good at talkin'. And another major problem is that ya ain't seein' what you're doin'."

"Why would I not see what I'm doing?"

"'cause that's the point, C'mmander. To keep an eye contact." Levi waved him to bring his face down to his own. The Commander obeyed. They now were closer than ever before. "Come here. Gimme your hand."

Erwin noticed that the Captain's shoulders were wider than he'd thought they were. They seemed narrow because Levi was small, but the steel-hard trained biceps gave his figure a powerful appearance. Small but strong. Erwin placed his big palm into Levi's.

"That's what they do..." Captain continued, leading Erwin's hand around his waist to the back. "Can be in a dance or in a kiss... or they grip the target 'round, just like that."

Erwin could see sunshine reflected on the tear-watered surface of Levi's grey irises. He could sense the way Levi smells, the fresh scent of soap and the honey-like aroma of field flowers, as if the Captain had them hidden under his clothes or in his smooth black hair.

"Ah... I... I see."

It was only a single second, their faces so close to each other, their noses almost brushing, and then Levi released him, swinging back like a thin plant when the wind caresses it.

"I knew those who'd take their targets to dance to bars, and do all that over the chit-chat. I was no good for such things tho'. Never liked them. Filthy, disgusting work, uh," he grumbled. Erwin raised his eyebrows.

"Have you never?.."

"No," Levi interrupted him sharply, "never. And I ain't got any intention to start now. Just showed ya so that you'd know."

"Thank you."

Levi gazed at Erwin suspiciously, but this gratitude felt sincere. Sometimes, this human was a hell of a riddle. The Captain shook his head.

"No problem. Anyway, practice is a solid way to learn. Practice more, C'mmander, you'll be just fine."

"I will, undoubtedly. Thank you." This time Erwin smiled.

The open window let some fresh air inside, cooling both men's hands and faces. In the past days, this room has turned into a small shelter for their secret - Levi couldn't tell with full certainty if he had stepped over its threshold fourteen or fifteen times. What's the date today? Has it been two weeks of them meeting here, foreheads and cheeks blushing lightly, voices rising above the whisper only for laughter, hands crossing, meeting, touching without any shame or discomfort - more with interest, with curiosity?.. Levi tried not to answer this question, as he did with many other ones in his head. He would love not asking them at all. Questions, in his experience, were dangerous. He remembered the vital rule from his early age: ask just enough to survive but never ask too much. The faster you can shut the fuck up, the longer you live. Kenny made this quite clear, in his time. Kenny...

Erwin intervened into his thoughts by calling his name.

"Levi."

"Yeah?"

"Come here. I want to show you... a little something." He smiled again. Levi loved it when Erwin smiled. He followed the call. Erwin passed his desk and went to the small shelf hanging above it. He stroked through the row of books and took one, skinny and blue, soft, paperboard-bound. He opened it and flipped through the first pages. His rough fingers were careful with every page. They would never rip or fold any. Levi wished he had been that book so Erwin could flip through him with this engaged, loving look on his face. Finally, the Commander passed him the book.

"This is for you. Consider it a part of your reward."

"What's that for? I don't even read that much," Levi muttered. But he took the gift anyway. Its title didn't tell him anything familiar.

"I thought you looked... exhausted. I decided this could serve you as a tiny entertainment."

Levi stared at the book, as if expecting it to talk to him and explain itself. The mysterious blue rectangle held tightly in his hands, however, preferred to remain silent.

"I first read it when I was nine," Erwin added in a soft tone. "My first real book, besides the ones for children."

Levi'd never imagined Erwin at the age of nine. Subconsciously, he somehow assumed Erwin had always been like he was right now. And had always known how to read, of course. It was even plausible that he was born with a Survey Corps' annual action report twisted in his tiny hand.

"Thanks," Levi offered with a visible effort. Erwin's face went glowing like a freshly shined silver coin.

"You're a thousand times welcome!"

An awkward pause followed these words. Levi raised his eyes from the title page. There was a tiny wrinkle between his brows, as always when he was puzzled by the challenges of casual communication.

"Can I... stay here... to read?"

"Oh... of course. I have to go now, got a meeting to attend... But you can stay here as long as you like!"

"Thanks." This time there was no effort nor superficial politeness in Levi's voice.

The door opened and closed with a calm knock. Levi looked around. Since he started to come here, the place has become at least half-decent in terms of tidiness. The parchment sheets were piled up on the desk in loads convenient to transfer. The ink stain has disappeared. The floor was clean.

He could sit on Erwin's chair. He could place his legs under the desk and peek at Erwin's drawings from time to time. When cleaning, he discovered several interesting ones. Erwin mostly drew boring things - schemes, diagrams, graphs, arrows directed hell knows where - but the ones that Levi has been inspecting for good five minutes were lazy, incomplete sketches Erwin would make when bored or tired. There was a view from the Commander's window drawn on the other side of the Corps' financial report for the last month, a stray cat with a wounded eye and locks of fur poking out of its ears, a strangely detail-rich glass of water under someone's request for promotion, marked with Erwin's pen-out-of-hand signature.

Levi looked at the desk. Then he turned around and went to the Commander's bed. It was neatly made. There were two sheets under the old blanket, their edges were tacked under the mattress just like they were supposed to be. When he rubbed the needling-rough wool, a couple of tiny whitish sparks jumped from its folds onto his skin. He landed on it cautiously, trying not to mess up the bed - otherwise he would have to make it all over again.

He didn't like reading. It was difficult and ineffective, there was little to no need for it in his previous life, and it took a lot of energy for him to make it through a few pages. But his previous life has ended a year ago. It was time to move on. He opened the book, looked briefly through the table of contents - _only seven chapters, c'mon, should be easy-teasy_ \- and proceeded to the beginning of the story.

Levi had never loved books.

He liked this one.

It was, still, a story for children, though not for five-year-olds. It had illustrations for each tenth page, beautiful prints of ink and sepia, cheap yet passionate, done by someone who knew what they were doing. Levi got distracted from the story to look at the pictures a little more. On the first one, there was a little girl sitting under the tree. There was a sight of the Wall in the distance behind her back. She was reading a book, just like he was right now. She was wearing a pretty dress, satin ribbons and flowers dancing in the wind. Oh, Levi wished he could at least touch it! He'd never got to wear anything like this. He'd never thought he would need it - but he did, right now, secretly, sitting on Erwin's bed without anyone but Erwin himself knowing that he was here. He was staring at the picture like a child stares at the shreds of glass when they glisten in the sunrays. He already called this girl "lil' sis" in his mind: she was dark-haired and had such a grumpy look. He started to read.

And he liked the story, too. First - with doubt, with apathy in his eyes as they slid from one line to another, from paragraph to paragraph, from the very bottom of an old, fragile page to the top of the next one. Then - with sceptical interest, with huffing and shrugging and teeth-grinding "why would he gimme this, huh, I ain't no kid, sure thing". The story began with the girl meeting a minor bird, which flitted above the child's head until she wanted to chase it down and catch, and so she ran after the bird and fell into the hole in the ground. And she started to fall, and fall, and fall... She thought that, should she fall out on the other side of the Earth, would the Titans there walk on their hands, and would it mean they are all abnormal, and wouldn't then a normal Titan feel abnormal if it met those from the other side...

Levi didn't huff anymore. He was smiling.

He read the whole chapter. It took him a while. His eyes got tired. He yawned. He had to go, perhaps. He had to do something... something other than unconsciously stroking the blanket which had Erwin's smell, reading the book which Erwin gave him.

Erwin must've read dozens of books like this. Maybe that's how he got so smart. Maybe that's what he used to be like in his childhood. Would he wear such a fine dress as this girl did? Would he go to school with a white ribbon tied in a bow around his neck? Levi wasn't fully aware of the concept of grades, but he was sure Erwin had good ones. Maybe they would give him grades for asking questions? Maybe that's why?..

He should probably stop this. He will read one chapter more, and that's it. Sure thing.

 

***

Erwin had a bad day.

He was supposed to keep it going. He was supposed to switch easily from one task to another.

He signed orders, and the scrapping noise was just like the razor cutting swiftly through the fine leather.

He said things, expressed opinions, and the words were not his own. He'd stolen them.

He walked, and his steps were those of a robber. Of a hunter.

The day was gloomy and windy. He felt hot. The door swung to his light touch. He'd never closed it.

"Levi? Are you asleep?"

The Captain lied on his bed in a way one would rather expect from a child than from a grown man. He didn't reply. His breath was deep and subtle. Erwin walked closer, trying to make as little noise as possible. The small man has curled up on the blanket; his knees were brought to the chest in a defensive pose, with one arm gripping them and another one holding the blue book. Even in his sleep, he was frowning. Erwin stood and watched. Then, he sat calmly on the very edge of the mattress, managing to do so without disturbing Levi's peaceful rest.

"Levi," he called one more time but didn't get an answer. For a long, long time his big body went motionless like a stone-carved statue.

Then, he gave away a long remorseful sigh.

"Here you are again. In my life," he whispered. "What was your childhood like, I wonder?.. There must've been atrocious things you've encountered. Were you one of those homeless children that streets are filled with in the Underground? Starving, perhaps... is that why you're so small? Were you beaten up, tortured? Had to protect your life by any means? Is that why you fight so well?"

Levi quivered lightly, but his eyes remained closed. He must've been cold. Erwin took off his coat and situated it on Levi's trembling shoulders.

"Were there anyone to look after you? Were they kind or cruel? You might've been all alone. Grew like a wild grass. Have you ever been happy? Was there not a single ray of light in your life's beginning?.."

He sighed again. His warm hand stroked Levi's hair very gently, with only fingertips touching the dark locks.

"I wonder, Levi, my tiny riddle... Did I truly set you free back then, or did I steal you from that place?"

He really would not be able to pull the book out from Levi's unconscious grasp, so he just checked if the coat was set nicely around the sides of Levi's body, then stood up and left, without even a rustle escaping from the folds of his clothes or from underneath his soft footsteps. The door opened and closed behind him in the same silent way, as if the very world around the sleeping Captain was aware of the fragility of his peace, and so could not dare bothering him.

 

Levi was left alone in Erwin's bedroom. He kept the book tightly pressed against his chest.

His eyes were wide open, and he didn't tremble anymore.


	3. new world

Levi was standing in front of the Commander's door and inspecting his own hand. It was sharp-edged and tanned, ochre-brown, with bones standing out visibly on the knuckles and the wrist.

He felt odd. He asked himself why oh why he is not afraid even a tiny bit. Beyond this door, there was either pain and sin and mistake - or the life nothing like his past. It felt as if the world he'd known before was crumbling on his head, huge pieces of reality erasing themselves into the blazing-hot darkness. He watched them crushing. He imagined his steps vanishing as he walked, prints of his soft shoes and the very floor being devoured in flame behind his back. What was this flame? Shame? Fear? Hate?

If he doesn't look back, he'll never know. Nobody will.

He knocked. The dry wood replied him with an undertone - _top-top-top_.

"Come in," the voice announced. Levi locked the door right after following the invitation. He was hoping he wouldn't need to open it any time soon.

"I brought your book."

His hand was steady as he passed the book across the table. The Commander smiled.

"Oh, have you finished it already? How did you like it?"

Their fingers were separated with one inch of blue cardboard. Levi's tongue felt dry and stiff in his mouth, blocking his voice. He cleared the throat and asked, instead of an answer, "Do you have... more of these?"

"Uh-oh, not exactly. I wonder how this one has survived for so long. But you're free to take my other books any time you want."

A minute of awkward silence has passed while Levi was bringing himself to what he wanted to say next.

"We need to talk. 'Cause I heard you."

Erwin had no need to ask what, in particular, Levi heard. He could, though. Isn't it how they always played out such incidents? Isn't it how this man's rules work?

"Is that so..." Levi could loathe the kindness in this voice forever. "Then there is nothing to talk about, Captain."

"The fuck are you sayin' right now?"

"You heard me. Nothing to discuss. Levi," Erwin's tone was firm yet sorrowful, "I have committed a mistake. I..." He rubbed his nose bridge with two fingers, frowning, as if the Captain's presence was causing him a headache. Rustling clothing, swift motion - he stood up to open the window, posture so decisive like he intended to walk out through it. Levi followed him like a flow, all parts of him moving, acting, talking at the same time:

"Mistake?.. What the fuck, C'mmander? Don't I mean anythin' to you at all? Do you regret what you said the other day? Do you regret it?"

"Yes!.. Yes, I do!"

The curtains floated as the wind entered the room. The air outside was fresh from the recent rain. Erwin glanced at the sky. Light-grey clouds flew quickly across it.

"I wouldn't take away what's left of your freedom, Captain. I wouldn't dare. And I wouldn't ask anything from you. Neither honesty nor feelings in response."

"Erwin."

A narrow bony hand was clenching around his own. He turned and looked at it with surprise and confusion. He wanted to touch it more, feel more of it, lift and kiss it, and kiss it, and kiss... Dry skin. No strength was applied to hold him, no tension, but he could not shake this hand off of his, could not bring himself to break this new, strange bond between them. Levi turned away, gazing in the corner where nothing happened.

"I'll tell you... what you wondered 'bout. I'll tell you, so you won't say none of that shit anymore," he uttered. His nose was pink like an underripe cranberry. Erwin wanted to lick it so its tip would become glittery and sticky.

"You don't have to--"

"I _wanna_ tell you."

Erwin brought no more apologies. From the open window they could hear a cuckoo's call, somewhere far away, sounds getting louder and quieter with every wave of the cold wind. Levi closed his eyes. Inhale, exhale.

"I never knew my dad," he began. "Mum worked at a brothel. Got sick for a few moths. Got this disease, pustules all over her skin, rashes. Had a strong fever. Didn't work, so we had nothin' to eat. Well, I guess she just couldn't make it, y'know. Through the life, in general. I was nine. I remember."

He spoke, and Erwin imagined that the space between them has turned into water, which was why the Captain's voice was so low. Little bubbles would escape his mouth and rise up. Up to the light.

"This man, his pals used to call 'im Kenny The Ripper... I mean, it's only me callin' them his pals. He took me from our place. Just grabbed me like a damn bag of beans 'n' marched out. Taught me how to hold a knife. Then, he taught me how to swing it 'round. And then he taught me how to shove it down the men's throat."

"Only men?"

"You laugh, C'mmander, I ain't discriminatin' nobody. I think a woman has just as much right to get fuckin' killed as a man does. But that first person I sent to hell, he happen'd to be of a male gender. Big guy, had these fists the size of your head. That's how I killed 'im so fast. He was just too fuckin' huge." He shivered. "I didn't really know how to kill people back then. His blood was all over me. Sometimes I feel it. Like I couldn't ever wash it. I was fifteen."

Erwin let out a slow exhale. He'd never before tried to picture Levi at the age of fifteen. For some reason, he supposed that Levi had always been the same small, angry, lonely man, that he was simply born this way and was never anything else. Levi turned to look outside, clouds reflecting in his eyes. A thin lock of hair was clinging to his forehead, its tip fluttering in the wind.

"I'm just kiddin' ya," he added without a smile. "There is no hell."

"This man who taught you... were you two close?"

Were they close? One thing Levi had memorized firmly was that Kenny had a big-ass knife. Also, he had a gun, and a pair of big strong hands. It's not like you could be very close to someone like Kenny. Close. Kenny would disappear for a day and return drunk as shit, reeking of spirit and vomit and blood. Close. Kenny would talk in his sleep. He would address someone named Uri. Levi used to wonder who this Uri was, and where this pathetic softness in Kenny's voice would come from.

"No. Just lived together. Until, one day, he left me. Didn't say anythin', just went away."

Just went away. Like everyone does.

Erwin took his hand and drew him closer, strong arms encircling the small figure into a kind hug. Levi didn't resist it, only went even quieter.

"I ain't like you, Erwin. I ain't like that girl from the story. I stole my first wallet when I was ten... A killer and a thief, that's what I truly am. No wonder nobody loves me." He wanted to add _and I love nobody_ , but the words clogged his throat and wouldn't come out. The shadow of his Commander's massive figure was covering his face and shoulders, just like the coat which Erwin wrapped around him yesterday.

"Show me again how they rob people on the streets," Erwin said. Levi's fingers reached up to his wrist in such a timid manner it almost made him laugh. Following the Captain's guidance, he sneaked his hand onto the man's back. "Is that how it's done, Captain?"

"Y-yeah."

"And that's how I reach for the back pocket, right?"

"Yeah."

"This feels very natural. You're a spectacular teacher."

Levi was not sure if he would be capable of spelling this word correctly. _Spec-ta-cu-lar._

"The fact that you're different doesn't make you less of a person, Levi. I won't let anyone judge you. You're safe, okay?"

Safe. What does he mean - safe? Is this what they call it - this unnoticeable change of the one's self-image, this weird feeling of _not_ being aware of another man's arms wrapped around your body, this intriguing sparkle in one's eyes when they meet those of another being? Levi had never felt comfortable about hugging. But Erwin was holding him right now, and it felt fine. Erwin, this human, has caught him, trapped him. And it felt fine. Levi stood on his tiptoes, the pink tip of his nose nearly touching Erwin's lips.

"Aren't you afraid?" he whispered. A small grin has stretched Erwin's mouth.

"Not a tiny bit."

He was such a liar, but why would it matter now?

Their first kiss was deep and slow. They touched and pet each other's heads, backs, forearms, without understanding how and where exactly it would be more appropriate. Erwin's tongue moved awkwardly in Levi's mouth, as if the Commander didn't know how to kiss, as if he had never done it before. He bit Levi's lower lip too hard, but the small man's silent moan made him stop. Levi stroked through the Commander's hair; it was thick and shiny like honey, but the touch left a strong scent of dust and sweat on his fingertips. He then caressed Erwin's nape, lips barely touching the angle of the Commander's chin, cheek, earlobe.

"Take me," he breathed out into the soft curve of the Commander's neck. "Take me. I know you want it."

The very sound of this begging murmur made something inside of Erwin's body rise and vibrate, like a huge warm wave. His darkened-blue eyes went foggy. He felt Levi right now, with every sense, every nerve, this melting heat above and under his skin. He could not resist it. He didn't really want to. The sweet meekness dispersed down his arms and thighs.

"L-Levi..." His breaths went deeper, shirt getting tight with each inhale. His hands slipped down, brushing Levi's ribs and landing on the waist; without any visible effort, he lifted the whole Captain's body in the air. Levi whined into his mouth, sensing the hot firmness between his legs rubbing against the Commander's crotch. Erwin's arms pressed him tighter, and he nearly chocked one time, thin blistering trace of saliva running down his chin. Erwin made a few steps, carrying him with loving attention, like one would carry a tired child, and slowly placed him on the edge of the table. Levi's hands slid under the Commander's shirt, unbuttoning it. Erwin's waist was now kept in place by the strong grasp of his legs. Finally, he could reach and lick the tip of Levi's nose, which wrinkled and moved away from his face within the same moment.

"Ew, fuck!"

"Sorry. I really wanted to," Erwin laughed. Levi reached and bit his reddened ear in revenge, sharp teeth clenching only for a second. Erwin groaned silently. He was now fighting with Levi's shirt just as the Captain did with his, only there was more hesitation to his moves.

"C'mon, C'mmander. Ya said ya ain't afraid," Levi's whisper was ticklish, just like his fingers fiddling around the last button of Erwin's shirt. This teasing made Erwin's ears flush red and his breaths go shallow, and the words and whole sentences escaped the empty space that used to be his well-organized, rational mind. One thought, however, kept bothering him.

"Wait... please. Wait."

Levi let him go immediately, as if he didn't hear the word 'please' and thus considered this phrase a direct order. His legs went loose around Erwin's hips.

"What is it?"

"I... um... I've never... You see, there was this girl, we kissed once, but otherwise I've never... I mean, it's not like I don't want to..."

"Hold on a sec," Levi gazed at him with narrowed eyes. "Whatcha tryin' to say right now... is that you'd never had sex before?"

"...Yes," Erwin replied, completely embarrassed of himself. Levi, on the other hand, looked amused. His lips parted in a sly smile.

"It's okay, C'mmander," he muttered, and shifted back, weight leaning on his arms. "I'll teach ya that as well. But only if you want me to."

"Y-yes, of course!"

"Come here." Levi cought Erwin's wrist and brought the bigger man's hand up to his chest. It felt nice just as Erwin's hot fingers brushed his bare skin. The thought of it feeling even better was nothing but pure excitment. "Now, put your stupid hand here."

He made a slow inhale so his ribcage muscles would raise Erwin's hand up and then bring it down.

"Feel that?"

"Mhm," Erwin nodded seriously.

"It's my flesh, y'see. All these muscules 'n' bones 'n' shit, it's all mine. Now, the thing is, it's very much alive, just like yours is. It reacts when you touch it. Breathes, sweats, stuff like that. Keep this in mind, 'kay?"

"Okay."

"I'll show you. Easy-teasy," and he pressed Erwin's arm against his chest, fingers moving around to hint where the most sensitive spots are. Erwin followed his moves, rushing, as if there were traces left by these beautiful slim fingers that were vanishing way too fast, faster than a ripple on the water, and he feared that these traces would disappear from his view before he would have a chance to memorize them. He pet Levi's rising chest, fingertips wandering through the thin hair on it, and moved left, to the tense muscle of the breast and the dark-tanned areola around the firm nipple. He put his thumb and forefinger on it, pressed, pulled a little, observing the reaction, the tension, the change in skin tone. He watched the living flesh rise and fall, lighter-coloured scars and little bruises on it exposing themselves to the light and hiding in shadows. There were constellations of ginger-brown freckles on Levi's shoulders.

"Whatcha starin' at?" The mocking voice intruded into his investigation.

"You", Erwin blushed. "You're so beautiful. Not like anything I've seen before."

Levi's smile was warm. Erwin reached down and kissed him, his smile and tiny dimples around it. The skin of Levi's neck was soft, rose-red from excitement. Erwin kissed and bit it, too.

"Mmh..." Levi shuddered to his bite. Erwin's moves became slower. The silent noise of Levi's moan echoed in his ears, returning this marvellous sensation of something inside of him vibrate and rise. Levi gently pushed him away, and then Erwin had to steady his breath again as the Captain's palm has landed on his belt, right above the stiff erection pressing against his pants.

"Relax, C'mmander. Don't get all worried 'bout it."

It was difficult to control the anxiety but the following feeling erased it from his mind. Levi's fingers. Warm, light, spry fingers, touching him, making him wet, forcing whimpering sounds out of his throat. These fingers, the ones he imagined touching him so many times, are now rubbing him, caressing his hard cock up and down, _goddamnit, holy fucking Rose_. Uncontrollably, he gave up into Levi's palm, making it slide faster, rougher.

"They won't teach you _this_ on the streets, huh," Levi chuckled, inspecting the way Erwin's body would respond to each and every one of his moves. "You really want it so much, don't ya?.. Oh look. Your knees are shakin'. You might collapse."

Erwin gave himself a short break, and at least a half of his mind was now back into his scull, where it belonged.

"Let me touch you more, too," he pleaded, pressing his hot lips against the Captain's salty skin just below the collarbone, and gradually kissing lower, lower. "Let me touch you better. I'll see how to..."

"Sure thing. Go right ahead."

And Erwin did. He ran his fingers along Levi's body, petting, warming it, more with care than with lust, and stood on his knees in front of the table - which actually was quite a relief for his weakened limbs - and placed his palms on the smaller man's thighs. The light pressure of his palms caused Levi to spread his legs. It looked silly, and he couldn't care less.

"Levi, I want you. I want to suck you off. Please."

Levi stared at Erwin's lips. It was no longer an order that Erwin gave him, but a prayer. His human, his Commander, was now before him, on his knees - begging. How was it: spectacular?.. He released the single button on his pants.

"It's nice how you're askin' me, C'mmander, but you can get more confident from now on," he chuckled, watching Erwin more with tenderness than with arrogance. And then the tight wetness of Erwin's mouth forced him to stop any further talking. He closed his eyes. Erwin moved slowly, helping himself with his wet slippery tongue. Levi placed his palm on the back of Erwin's head. His fingers curled, grabbing the Commander's blonde locks into fist.

"Does it feel good?"

"Yeah... Mhhm... Y-you're doin' well..."

 _Well_ was not an exaggeration. The warmth. The soft tongue swirling around him. The right pace, exact and perfect. When Erwin suddenly stopped, Levi groaned with frustration against his own will. It felt too good to be finished so soon.

"N-no, Erwin... Please..."

"Wait. I've got an improvement to test, if you don't mind," Erwin sounded so casual as if he was discussing the amount of salt required to season a pot of stew. He measured the width of his own palm with the thumb and forefinger, and then placed it around Levi's cock before returning his mouth in place. "There you go, dear."

Levi would be glad to approve his Commander's strategic decision, but he melted under Erwin's tight, strong hand, under his lips, under Erwin's very presence, and he didn't think anymore. He let himself go, his deep loud moans winding up the air as Erwin started moving faster, making him arch his back over the hard surface of the desk.

"I think I'm starting to get it now," Erwin noticed in a low voice. "How does this feel?"

"F-fuck, Er... ahh! Amh!.."

"Oh my, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!"

"N-no... It's fine, stupid. It's fine."

"Ffuh. I got scared. You sure you're okay, though?"

"Errrwin!"

"Right, right. Sorry."

Safe. Is that what they call it - this feeling when someone else touches you, causes your body to get soft and motile? This feeling when you're so shameless you can curse as loud as you want, pulling other person's head towards yourself?

"Erwin, I'm... I'm gonna come..."

Erwin didn't answer (since it was pretty challenging for him with mouth busy). His other hand slid between his legs. Levi saw it, and imagined Erwin feeling himself, so vulnerable in this sweet, everlasting pleasure, dreams, maybe, somewhere far, far away. Or not. He might have thought of Levi any time he did it. Any time he touched himself, he would think of Levi's fingers on his hair, of Levi's curling toes, of Levi's grey eyes. The Head of the Survey Corps. Hope of the Humankind. Commander Smith. Erwin.

Levi's whole body went so tense and restless as he came, moaning nonsense into the indifferent air, and Erwin licked him clean, sometimes biting into the Captain's sensitive inner thighs. He stood up to witness the wonderful sight of Levi's face - painted strawberry-juice-red, with eyes sealed and eyelashes trembling with each exhale.

"Aren't you adorable," he sighed. Levi opened his eyes, gave him a brief look, and grinned.

"You've got a stupid face."

"Yeah?.. Well, it's my 'falling in love with you'-face, if you like."

"I do, C'mmander Stupid Face. I do."

 

No matter how much Levi valued their moment of emotional intimacy, he could not sustain the gross state their clothes were now in. Be Erwin alone, he wouldn't care. Now, however, he took the time to heat up some water and find a couple of clean towels in his wardrobe while Levi was away for the freshly washed uniform. It brought Erwin pleasure to put it on, after the water rinsed his sore muscles and took away some of this special, weird smell - the one that lust and satisfaction leave.

"What shall we do now?" He asked, his voice indistinct under the folds of his towel.

"Dunno. Get married, I suppose," was Levi's casual suggestion as he rinsed his face with a handful of crystal-clean liquid. Erwin laughed.

"Let's wait for at least a couple of weeks. Until the next expedition." He passed Levi the foamy piece of soap. "Let's pretend we've got time yet, shall we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, it was supposed to be a 3k word porn, why is it a dramatic social commentary thrice this length?
> 
> THANK U FOR READING THIS
> 
> Erwin is such a nerd btw ^^


End file.
